do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
