I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We are all done wearing pants today
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
