I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
