it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
