watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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