No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
