you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
