I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize