how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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