I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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