I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
