so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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