Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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