Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
