Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I sprained my soul last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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