I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
