oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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