mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
