I accidentally had phone sex last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
