You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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