Apparently you make a good broom.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
