Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
