my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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