Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
