You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
