he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
