thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
