i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
