"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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