you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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