I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
