WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
