The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
