you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize