i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
