my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
