Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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