I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
