So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize