It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
