he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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