never play flip cup with pint glasses
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
