dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
