She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My life is pants optional.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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