Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
