That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
