She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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