I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
