I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
