you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
