Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
