i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
