my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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