So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can you bring me the toilet please
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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