I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
