Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
