U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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