My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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