a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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