put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
