you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
