im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
