Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
