Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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