You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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