M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
